Why Does the Work That Used to Feel Easy Feel So Hard?

Do you remember when you used to tackle the difficult conversations without a second thought? When the strategic work felt energising rather than exhausting? When you could sit down with a spreadsheet and work through it without your mind wandering? 

If that feels like a long time ago, you're not alone. And it's not a sign that you're not capable, not cut out for this, or that you've somehow lost something that's gone for good. It's a sign that something in the working culture and environment around you has shifted. And that's worth understanding, because once you understand it, you can start to change it. 

What this actually looks and feels like 

The work is full on. There is always more to do. And on top of that, there is a lot that feels like it needs fixing, and all of it needs fixing now. 

You start to find yourself avoiding the work that feels difficult. Not because it's necessarily hard, but because the emotional load of it has become too much. The conversation with a member of staff that might be emotionally draining, or that they might not take well, so even the thought of it exhausts you before you've begun. The strategic work that you actually want to do, but it feels big and heavy because of the mental energy it will take, so you just can't face it. The spreadsheets you used to work through quickly, but now take an age because you struggle to hold your interest. 

And this leads to something that can look like procrastination, which can gradually reduce your feeling of self-efficacy and your confidence in your role. The worry, guilt and the sense that you should be able to manage this, but you can't. It becomes a reinforcing, vicious cycle. You try to work harder, which leaves you overwhelmed and exhausted, which makes decision making harder, which makes you work less efficiently, which deepens the doubt about your own capability. 

But it's not your fault. 

So, what’s causing this? 

This happens because of a combination of issues which create the perfect storm for self-doubt.  

Unclear expectations. 

Senior leaders and CEOs are often thrown in at the deep end, with little or no induction. There is an assumption that you know what you're supposed to be doing, either because you've been in the sector for years or because you know the organisation. Along with this, there are often no clear objectives set when you start, no review or appraisal, and no feedback on achievements, with limited 1to1s focused on what still needs to be done. This leaves you unclear on where you should be focused, seeing only the mistakes and the work still to be done, and not recognising everything you've actually achieved. 

What you were told you'd be doing isn't the reality. 

All too often, leaders are recruited for their vision, their ability to take the charity forward. But what they inherit is something very different, with systems that need to be put in place, performance issues to address, a culture that needs work, and funding that needs to be secured. The vision isn't possible when the foundations aren't in place. And yet the expectation that you should be delivering all of it remains. 

The demand and the resources don't match. 

We all know that charities are being asked to do more with less. But when your resource doesn't match the demand, it is very easy to start believing that the reason you can't manage the work is because you're not capable, rather than because too much is being asked of you. You start to believe you should be more resilient. That if you were a better leader, you could do it all. You can't. Nobody could. And so you’re stuck in a cycle of busyness, which means that thinking clearly, and strategically is almost impossible. 

You’re managing chronic stress. 

And when you've been working in a way that is unsustainable for too long, you can find yourself feeling overwhelmed, disconnected from work, and feeling like you're not doing enough. And it’s easy at this point to believe if you were just more resilient, you’d be ok. But this isn’t about resilience; this is the result of doing too much without support, appropriate resources and realistic expectations. If this resonates, it's important to take stock, rest, and recover before trying to address your confidence in your role. Addressing the workplace stress needs to come first. 

What do we mean by confidence? 

Before we talk about how to build confidence, it's worth understanding what it actually is. Because we often think of confidence as something we either have or don't have, a fixed character trait. But that's not how it works. 

Think about it. Most of us aren't confident in everything we do across our lives. There are things we are certain we can do well and do without a second thought, and others that feel overwhelming or scary. Confidence is not fixed. It changes. And that matters, because it means you can change how confident you feel. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter defined it well 

 "Confidence isn't optimism or pessimism, and it's not a character attribute. It's  the expectation of a positive outcome."  

If we go into something with the expectation that it will work out, it often does. Not because if we think positively, positive things will happen (that’s the path of toxic positivity), but because when we expect a positive outcome, we are more likely to take actions that make that outcome more probable. We procrastinate less, we prepare more, we show up differently. 

The trouble is, when we are feeling low in confidence, we start to expect the worst. And it can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

This is not about blaming yourself for a lack of confidence. It's about understanding it in the wider working context, and taking the knowledge that confidence can change as the starting point for doing something about it. 

Three practices to start building your confidence 

These are not quick fixes. Building confidence is like building a muscle. It takes time and consistency. But these three practices, done regularly, will make a real difference. 

1. Pay attention to your successes and achievements. 

It is so easy to notice what has gone wrong, what you need to be better at, what still needs doing. So start noticing and recording the things that have gone well. But more than that, record what you did to make that happen. Not just we won the bid, but we won the bid because I worked hard to build the relationships and demonstrate our impact. Connecting outcomes to your actions builds the evidence that you are capable, which is the foundation of confidence. Keep this list somewhere you can easily add to it, and where you can see it when you need a boost! 

2. Identify your strengths. 

Doing work that plays to our strengths builds confidence. And when we know what our strengths are, we can use them in new ways to help us overcome challenges. If you're not sure what yours are, the VIA Character Strengths is a free, validated tool that is worth exploring. Knowing & using your strengths has been shown to have positive impact in both our personal & working lives, including the purpose and enjoyment we get from work, our confidence in our skills and helps build our resilience. 

3. Notice your self-talk. 

The things we say to ourselves are opinions, not facts. But all too often we believe them without question. Thoughts like “I'm not cut out for this job” or “everyone else seems to manage, why can't I”, feel true. And ignoring them doesn't help, it makes them louder. 

Here is a simple practice to start shifting this. Give your inner-critic a name, and maybe even draw it, whilst this might feel strange or uncomfortable at first, it works! This helps you separate these thoughts from yourself and reminds you they are not necessarily true. When the critical thoughts show up, thank them for trying to keep you safe, because that is what they are trying to do. And then tell them you're safe, you've got this, and you're going to get on with it now. 

If you want to take this further, download my free worksheet on shifting your self-talk. 

When you need a confidence boost right now 

Sometimes you need something that will give you an immediate confidence boost or help you get going with the task. There’s no magic wand, but here are three things that help. 

Change your state. 

Stand up straight, lower your shoulders, move your body, make eye contact. This signals to your brain that you are safe and in control. It sounds simple, but it works. 

Ask what you can control. 

When you find yourself in a situation which tests your confidence, or makes you doubt your skills, ask yourself these questions:  

• In this situation what is the worst possible outcome?  

• What is the best possible outcome?  

• What is the most realistic and positive outcome?  

• And what action can you take right now to make that realistic outcome more likely? 

Do it. 

We don't do anything perfectly the first, second, or even the third time we try. But by doing it, we build the confidence. The trick is to gradually broaden what you feel comfortable doing, stretching yourself without it feeling impossible. Each time you do the thing you were avoiding, you add a piece of evidence to the case that you are capable and you can do it. 

The bigger picture 

If the work that used to feel easy now feels hard, this isn’t an indication that you’re not cut out for the work anymore. More often than not it’s a sign that something is out of balance between what the work demands and what you have available to give. And when that happens for long enough, self-doubt creeps in. 

The good news is that it is not permanent, confidence can be rebuilt. Not through “positive thinking” or pushing yourself harder, but through understanding what has shifted, controlling what you can control, and building the practices that create the evidence that you are capable. 

Because you are. You just need to start seeing it again.