I just need to be more resilient, don’t I?
There's a pervasive myth in the charity sector that the work is simply hard because it's tough out there, and if you want to make a difference in the world, you just have to get on with it. That if you find it difficult, overwhelming, or exhausting, you're just not resilient enough.
I've seen this over and over again. Brilliant people working as hard as they can, telling themselves they need to do more, convinced it's their fault they're finding it stressful. After all, this is just how the sector is, isn't it?
The problem is they've internalised a false belief about what resilience actually is (a belief that's common across the sector). By saying that individuals need to be more resilient, we're creating two significant problems.
We're locating the problem in them, absolving the organisation and sector of responsibility for their wellbeing.
We're suggesting nothing can be done about the situation, creating learned helplessness (ironically, something we typically try to undo in our work).
This contributes to the cycle of burnout we see across the sector, and the sense that burnout is an inevitability for everyone at some point in their career (a belief that research seems to bear out). The trouble is, we focus endlessly on the need to be more resilient, to build our resilience, but no one tells us what that actually is or how to do it.
What resilience isn't
Before we talk about what resilience is, let's be clear about what it isn't.
Resilience is not
Working through chronic stress
Being strong during difficult times
Getting on with things
Ignoring how you're feeling
Working through burnout
A personality trait
Something you either have or don't have
The idea of being resilient is often worn as a badge of honour in the sector, but that isn't really what's happening. What we're actually seeing is people pushing themselves beyond what they can handle, working themselves to burnout, whilst organisations and the sector at best allow it (and at worst, actively encourage it).
What resilience is
Let's talk about what resilience actually is. Resilience has been defined in various ways, including:
"the process of negotiating, managing & adapting to significant sources of stress or trauma. Assets and resources within the individual or their environment facilitate the capacity for adaptation in the face of adversity" (Windle, 2010)
In other words, it's our ability to bounce back after a negative or challenging situation.
This definition tells us that:
Stressful or challenging situations have an impact on us (not that we should be able to work through them with no impact).
A period of recovery is required (not that we can just keep going).
We have internal resources that help us with this (this is something that can be developed and strengthened).
There are external resources that help us with this (the context or organisation we find ourselves in has a role to play too).
This means that resilience is
What helps us manage and recover from stressful situations
Drawing on our ability to be flexible and adapt
Drawing on our ability to manage our emotions
Something we can build and develop (like a muscle)
And this final point is the most important. Our emotional and psychological health is just like our physical health in that we can look after it, develop it, and choose behaviours which support it. When we're working in high-pressure situations where our resilience is more likely to be tested, we need to intentionally nurture it, so when we need it, it's there for us.
This doesn't absolve organisations or the sector of responsibility, though. Individual resilience will only take us so far. Organisations need to consider the workplace stressors on their teams and whether they're not only promoting working practices which support wellbeing and resilience, but modelling them as well.
I can't help you keep going in the face of unrealistic expectations, but I can help you make sure you bounce back next time things get tough for you or your organisation. If you want to find more sustainable ways to lead, get in touch to find out how I can help.